Wednesday, June 27, 2007

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Things of mine to see:

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My brain is being very bad..... It keeps coming up with ideas while I'm trying to write something where the ideas could never work!!!! GRR! Now I have to start a Word file called "ideas" because there are so many little fragments of ideas or even whole, developed ideas I just can't work with in what I'm writing.

Of course, nothing says I can't start writing something else instead of just continuing ones I have already. "Fleeing The Scene" taught me that. :D

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Anyways, things are a bit more relaxed with me and my parents now. I went and wrote a huge rant-like journal entry and I felt better. Though I am still and will always be the same person, I cooled off enough to but the false front up again so that they think I'm happy.

Yeah. Anyways, now I'm writing something different-er than the other things, though it does have a couple of similarities to the other short-ish stories I've written. The idea it's based around is something totally different that I've never written about, so it should be interesting. Wish me luck!

And no, I didn't abandon that one thing I was writing before. I just diverted around it so I can come back to it later. :P

*howls*

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EDIT: That new thing I worked on is finished. Please do read it. You know you want to. :)

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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

CRAP!!!!.

Things of mine to see:

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Remind me to NEVER show off listings of directories to my dad! He sat there and looked at EACH AND EVERY SINGLE THING in there and then he found something I wrote in there. He read the ENTIRE thing and then he asked if I felt that way. I was tempted to say "No shit, sherlock. Why else would I write it?" but instead, I sat there and BS'd my way out of it. I don't think he believes that I didn't write it.

But what good would sending me to a shrink do if I have issues anyways? I'd never open up to them. I would never trust them. I'm doing as well as I'm going to do, even if that's not very good. If I'm scared to tell my parents that I'm an asexual, atheistic wolf, what makes them think I'm going to tell someone who they're paying to talk to me? Maybe I'm just mistrusting and misanthropic, but, hell, that's me! 'Me' is not a happy person, so the 'me' they want is just not the person that I am.

Stupid parents. Now I've hidden stuff on the listing so that there is no way for him to go snooping again. Good thing I have at least half a brain left up there.

I can see where they're coming from, I guess. They want me to be happy and live my life to the fullest, but they're forcing me to conform. That's not something I'd like to do unless I choose it.

Maybe I just need to tell them that everything I write is private and I'm giving it to the world to read, not to them to read. They said before they'd never read my journal. Hell, maybe I'll just start keeping all my writing under lock-and-key. Start clearing my internet history every night. Change my password to get on the computer. If paranoid is what it takes for them to get off my back, paranoid is sure as hell what I'll be.

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If you care to, you can read the thoughts that got me in trouble.

Save me, someone.
I don't like who I am.
I don't like who I was.
I don't like who I will be.

Save me, please.
Give me something to live for.
Let me feel like I can
serve some purpose in this world.
Let me be who I really wish I was.

Let me be who I am deep in my soul,
even if it's not normal.
I need to be that person
Life has gotten to be too much
when all I can do it pretend
that I'm someone who I'm not.
I need to be myself.

To save me, I must die.
Please don't make me suffer anymore.
Put me out of my misery,
it's all humane,
you'll be a hero to society.

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Sometimes, I just can't stand family.

*snarly growly at parents*

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Monday, June 25, 2007

   Evil.

Things of mine to see:

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I got some good writing done on that thing I said I was writing. This time, I found a good web stream of classical music, so I could still think instead of ending up "singing" the songs. I'm about a page and a half farther in. Now I just need to get the lasts of it written, get it proofed, then I can post it! Yay!

Like listening to internet radio? You might be interested in
this petition then. Otherwise, your favorite station may go bankrupt from the fees required by new rate hikes in the Copyright Board's policies.

Oh, and sorry I broke the comments link on the last post... Oops. I fixed it now.

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Darn. Now I have more stuff I want to buy on iTunes. Now I've been hooked on Celldweller. There's at least four albums I want to buy on iTunes now. Grr.

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Sunday, June 24, 2007

   uuuuuuuuhhhmmmm 'kay.

Things of mine to see:

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My favorite-est song in the whole wide world (So far) has just started playing on iTunes. "Tourniquet" by Evanescence. Awesome song. But then, of course, I just love Evanescence. Awesome music.

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Okay, enough about my tastes in music, good or bad.

Right now I just had a serious flip in motivations. Now I don't want to buy a Wii or that metal DDR pad. Now I want to build myself a computer that I can use without needing to pry my sister away from it or dealing with slow processors. If you care, I hid a table with the stuff in it below. Click the linky to expand it and oogle in my list of demands for my computer. Toggle

Specification	Preference
Clock Speed	2.6-3GHz
Memory	2-4GB
Hard Disk	250GB +
OS	Windows XP/Vista
Graphics	nVidia or ATI with 256+ MB memory
Audio	HQ Stereo or better
Monitor	17"+ Widescreen LCD

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I need to get my dad to get me registered to take that stupid A+ cert test. $320!! Then I have to get out to the community college campus (closest test site) and take a test that I will probably fail that costs $320. Yay for giving money to get certified from a NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION!!! It sure seems they're profiting there.

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I should start studying for that stupid test......... evil CompTIA...

*growls at profiting non-profit organization*

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EDIT 1: I just remembered, I'm going to get certified in something else before I'm finished with high school too! Yay! I get to pay Cisco Systems to get a CCNA cert! Whoohoo!!! Money down the drain!

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EDIT 2: I forgot to tell what I got for my birthday! I got that camera I had been drooling over asking for with puppy dog eyes wanting. Then I got a card and $5 from my grandma.

I NEED MONEY!!!!!!!!

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EDIT 3: Call me crazy if you like, but I think I can see the pixels on my monitor refreshing.... It's all fuzzy-looking in some places. Most distracting.

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EDIT 4: I really need someone's advice on this: I have some of the money together to buy some of the stuff that I need for my "dream computer." Should I buy the Motherboard first, since its line is old and going away, or the processor and OS, because XP is going away and I have to buy major hardware to get a license?

I don't want to poison the unbiased-ness of this, so I won't.

Sorry for all the edits. I promise I'll stop now. :)

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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Whatever.

Things of mine to see:

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June 19 = my birthday. Big whoop.

I ended up not actually getting anything yet, just a promise of something in the next few days. I'm not even truly excited about my birthday anymore. No idea why...

Messed with some webcam software today. Mounted my webcam with legos in a window watching the road. I have to unplug the camera each night because the cables are so short that the computer gets in the way at night. Whatever.

Well, I think I'm going to go work on my writing.
*howls*

Interesting Link: Web-Interactive Webcam / LED display

EDIT: I'm working up a writing surprise for you all. It's totally unprompted except for from my strange mind.

EDIT: Track my package!! Go to the UPS Package Tracker and enter this tracking code: 1Z3AE0121350559293

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Thursday, June 14, 2007

Such Coolness!

Things of mine to see:

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Click here.

IT'S SO COOL BECAUSE I'M USING SAFARI!!! Ha, what now? Safari-ness!!!!

:-\ Now all I need is a real Mac....

Well, my computer is being stupid and slow. I was going to do some writing on my story at odd hours of the morning, but I can't because the computer is too slow. So I'm just kinda sitting here watch the light on the mouse turn on and off because the battery is dying.... such amusement.

And with a few hours usage under my belt, Safari hasn't really won me over. When I get a Mac, I'm still going to end up with Firefox! Heck, I'd probably buy Windows for my Mac when I get it. It will probably be whatever Vista's successor is going to be and not Vista because I won't have the money to buy a $3000 laptop for quite a while. :(

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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

About a day...

Things of mine to see:

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That's all it took for my theme to go from interesting to atrocious in my mind. I'm tempted to take off the major modifications (removing the header bar and borders, removing navbar thing). My site looks very off without them.

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As for my accomplishments for the day, there are few. I did finish the addition script for my writing site place thing, and I even tested it! I also submitted to dA something I wrote last night when I was trying to sleep. The note at the bottom is very fitting for it. Here is a link.

Well, I think I'm off to start trying to fix my site and plan the next theme thing. :-\

*howls*

EDIT: I'm apparently a very busy web designer... I have a lot of stuff on the internet now, even if it's rare;y visited. Here's some things I've designed:

1. everything at http://www.matt3402.com/projects/
2. Matt3402.com
3. ghostwolf.matt3402.com
4. My Google Pages thingy (Actually, they did the styling, I wrote the content.)
5. The style-ish thingy for this page.

And then there's countless free host pages that I've designed, but they're all minor or stupid or both.

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Monday, June 11, 2007

A Bit Concerned...

Things of mine to see:

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I'm actually more like scared. You see, when I was like 7, I had an appendectomy because the doctors thought I had appendicitis, but it was actually and intestinal problem, but anyways, so I have these two surgery scars on my lower stomach. The one from the appendectomy has a rather small red bump that kinda oozes when I mess with it. I'm kinda scared that there's something wrong with it, because I know that's not normal and it never did it before. *fret fret nervous nervous*

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Anyways, I am on the last stages of setting up the theme and by the time you read this, it will be set up, as I'm starting to prepare it as this is waiting to be submitted.

But I must tell the "winnar" for the question I asked. I think it's obvious, but for formality: DemyxNoctureSitar was correct.

My last task before sending this post is choosing exactly what I want in the background, so I'm going to get on that.

*howls*

EDIT: Now my site is t3h 4\/\/320|\/||\|322

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Sunday, June 10, 2007

   So much for that...

Things of mine to see:

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I told you I was going to update the style of the site -- I was thinking today sometime -- but I ended up not. Here's about what I did do, excluding boring things like eating...

1. Play DDR (some)
2. Tried to find solder to fix DDR pad controller plug thingy
3. Got burned by hot soldering iron that my dad put back after trying to melt plumbing solder with it. Pulled back arm, nearly cussed. Stomped into kitchen and ran the tap over it. Thought of hitting faucet because it made it hurt more.
4. Looked more for solder. Gave up.
5. Watched Cellular on tape.
6. Fixed the plug with electrics tape and telephone wire. Called it good enough.
7. Played more DDR.
8. Checked email, visited sites, decided I was too lazy to comment, started this post.

How "exciting", huh? Anyways, it's time for:

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Comments!!
(sorted chronologically, oldest first.)

DemyxNoctureSitar:

I wish I had a laptop. When I get a job, the first thing I'm getting after I get the camera I want is my 17" MacBook Pro. It's been so long since I last used a Mac, it only makes me want one more... The silence in my room almost makes me miss the fan whirring and hard drive whine... *sigh* now anyone walking by can see what I'm doing over my shoulder. Ugh.

lol I could be there and not know any popular fads... Of course, I just live and don't know any popular fads! :P

As for the answer to that, I would tell you if you're a "winnar" or not, but I think I'm not going to say anything until I have set the style. ;)

Benzaiten:

Yeah, Kitsune told me about that. I remember that she even showed me the post she left as she was finally giving up on them.... Such a sad occurrence ... :( I wish there was a way to report them, but the way the chatroom thing is run, I can't. The whole chatroom is administered by a company that just hands these things out like candy, so there's probably millions of these things and there's just no way that I have seen to report anyone, otherwise that place would be about ten times nicer...

I'll tell you the same thing I told DemyxNoctureSitar about the guess of the background: I don't think I'm going to say who was correct until I set it up here.

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So, now my wireless headphones are having problems, so I think I'm going to switch them out and charge them. I'm gonna get my cool $100 BlueTooth ones that have a half-second delay between when the sound is played and when you hear it. This I discovered playing DDR because I failed a song I normally get A* on, and I know it wasn't me. :(

Anyways, yeah. I'm gonna switch my headphones out and get working on the theme I still need to make up. I know, it's bad that I haven't even started.

*howls* :)

EDIT: 2:30 AM and I haven't even started yet! IEWW!! I got distracted with chatting and waiting to install an old audio card in my computer.... Grr... My how time flies when you're sifting through pages of confusing and not-so-well-written documentation. Here was my mission: Connect the front panel Microphone and Headphone jacks to an old Creative Labs AWE64 ISA sound card. I looked up on their site, which had screwy hookups for each source individually. Not one nice plug space, but four or five plus the digital audio jack thing that I don't use. I finally got it all working though, thank god. But now I have to try to start on my theme. There's going to be JavaScript, so I have to test it with zillions of browsers so I know it works somewhere other than just Firefox.

EDIT: I started working on the style thing now. If things go well and nothing happens Sunday, I should have it up late Sunday, in time for the "Monday" dated post. Wish me luck all! If it weren't 4:12 AM now, I'd keep working, but it is, so I need to clean up here before I can go to bed.

Anyways, this is it for this post. Finally. I promise, no more edits!

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Saturday, June 9, 2007

Things of mine to see:

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I had to move my computer back downstairs. My parents decided they really REALLY didn't want a computer in my room, so now it's in the living room. We used to have computers on every level of the house, but now only on two of the three. (I'm including the basement as a floor because it kinda is...)

Warning!!!: The following short rant thing contains strong language.

Anyways, coming to you from my living room, I have finally decided I might need to stop going to the UrbanDictionary chat room place. There's a racist asswipe who tries -- failing horribly -- to insult me and I have finally had enough of the stupid, ignorant son-of-a-bitch. It's sad to think that one bad user would ruin the whole chat room for me, but I just can't take it anymore. I refuse to just block him because I NEED to know the stupid shit he says about me. It's not that I want to know, but that my subconscious has to read it. I just wish that he would listen when I tell him to "gfys" and such. Stupid ignorant bastard.

End of rant thing.

Anyways, since I'm going to stop going there, I won't waste hours of my precious computer time chatting with fuckfaces (sorry) who can't even type in English! I swear I'm the only one who doesn't look like this: "hU r U sApOsEdA b?". I type like this: "Who are you supposed to be?". I don't care if it takes longer, it makes it readable!

Yeah, I go went off on a tangent and made a sentence fragment. But anyways, since I won't be wasting my time there, I can start trying to get a style running for this site that's cool enough to be passable. This is still the default theme! I really need to get busy with it. And who can guess what the background will be? The answer probably won't surprise you, to be honest. :)

*howls*

Oh, if you really want to see my myspace thing, here it is.

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